My Heart

~ yeah been absent for a while... ~
My heart it has been broken
but I know that it shall mend
My heart it has been broken
I know it shall break again.

I do my best to guard it
and to keep it safe from pain
I do my best to guard it
but know it shall break again.

I learn to live with heartache
although this can be a strain,
I learn to live with heartache
because it shall break again.

Uneasy

Uneasiness fills me.
Restless, I pace this empty space
within a cluttered room
that reflects the life I have lived thus far.

Is this all I have
to show for 20 odd years
of work?
Useless possessions
and scattered papers
are not who I am.

I know not
what I would like to show the world.
I need to leave a mark
upon those around me.
I need something to show
that my life has not been wasted,
that I have achieved something that matters.

Miracles

Every breath,
a moment of life gifted to me.
How amazing is it that we live?
Every part of our bodies
combined just right.
Inconceivably working in concert.

Every smile,
conveying a thousand words
and a million emotions.
One look, saying so much,
lifting hearts
and creating a domino effect around the world.

Every hug,
melting hearts, crumbling walls,
warming the depths of the soul.
Comfort, consolement, love
all expressed through
this simple, impulsive action.

Questions

I am full of questions, Lord,
to which I can find no answers.
I am told to seek your will,
and I do,
only I cannot tell if my answers are from You
or my own selfish mind.
I am told to compare my answers to Your word
but there I am lost.
Your word does not cover my future jobs,
my love life
or my living arrangements.
So my questions remain
and I stumble through my life
hoping it is in accordance with Your will.
Praying that next time Your voice will be clearer,
praying next time I will be listening harder,
praying my questions will be answered.

Thoughts

What were You thinking when You created me Lord?
What did You see for my life?
Did You see the joy of my parents,
the friendships I would forge,
the achievements I would make?
Did You weep at my failures,
my poor choices,
my complete unwillingness to act?
Did You ever question making me?
My acts could easily have been performed by someone else.
Or did You realise that my part could only be played by me?
Only I have my influence.
Only I have my unique blend of talents and weaknesses.
What have You been thinking
watching me live my life?
Have I disappointed You Lord?
I must be frustrating to watch.
I'm sorry for my failings.
Have You celebrated my successes?
Have I made You smile?
I should like to make You smile Lord.
That would make me happy.
I hope to make You happy for the rest of my life
But I will need Your guidance.
Help me to dance the steps of this life Lord.
Guide my every movement,
I will strive to follow
so that Your thoughts on me may be positive.

Come close

Come close Lord
I need you here today.
Don't be distant with me Lord
I need your comforting presence.

This life I have created
is getting me down.
Why didn't I listen Lord
When You gave me Your plan for my life?

Draw near Lord.
Place your hand upon my life
and your desires upon my heart.
Get me out of this mess.

I will fight you Lord
I don't like change.
Sorry for rebelling again.
Ignore my protests.

Take control Lord
I am afraid.
Hold my hand on this journey
draw me to your side

Living in the World

I tell myself that I don't care.
Why should the opinions of others affect me?
It is my own thoughts that matter
I have to live with my own conscience.

Do I truly know what they think
Or am I simply being paranoid?
Why let my fear of others dictate my actions?
Why let them spoil my fun?

I tell myself that I must live in the world,
That I must not let the cares of the world become mine.
I have different values to the world
and so I must be separated from them.

I tell myself this but I do not believe it.
It is so hard to ignore the looks,
The comments designed to bring me down.
So I remind myself of my values and ideals
And continue on my way.